Getting our child to bed ... we're painting the roses red ...

Ah yes, Jaan is as reasonable as the queen here you see. I am not certain that we planted white roses instead of red wholesale .... but we have definitely done something that is not allowing Jaan to go to bed at bedtime. He shows normal signs of needing his sleep, and ideally 7:30 is our chosen time, based on his late wake-ups - if he goes to bed on time he tends to awaken about 7am or so, roughly 12 hours suits him well and he wakes up smiling. Recently night terrors and nightmares have bothered him, no doubt these are factors, so much is beyond his ken now, and he is in a big-boy bed (James) which is big and red .. .. obviously this worries him sometimes, being alone in a big bed, in the dark - even with the lamp on. Rather than waking up smiling, he often awakes with a 'make it dark Mummy' or 'is it bedtime or morning Mummy? Where is Daddy, has he gone yet?' - disorientation is a big part of this. He understands about time a little, but cannot read the time.

So these days Jaan rebels about food, bedtime, wearing clothes, going outdoors, allowing me to take back my phone when I need to use it .... hang on a mo - does this kid play ball at all, ever?

Strange as it may seem, he is still a very good kid mostly, plays well, tries to take turns with other kids, is polite yadda yadda. And yet, sigh ... come bedtime:

Actually, by 10pm Iain is a bit like the queen too. I give up, or retreat, or painstakingly do a good mummy routine. Because of my 'retreat' option (partly due to having to take my meds early enough at night so I can wake up in the mornings) Poor Iain has to deal with the longest stints and I suppose that accounts for his mild aggression sessions. They upset Jaan though, Iain's anger. Obviously.

My take is that the anger that rises up is our failing as adults, as we have an obligation to park it or to move away and vent. Kid can't cope or understand, and it just serves to put up barriers on the communication front - which really hinders any approximation of decent parenting.

Fact is, the kid is sleeping late (his natural time is 11 pm) and waking late (about 9:15), and we kinda look like this every evening from 7pm till 10:30pm :

 Manic efforts, an incoherent mess of a parenting strategies, ineffectual whining and begging on all sides, splashes of rather good and creative disciplining, far too much talking, some hushed whispering by us under the covers, we marvel at Jaan's creativity and adorableness as he tries to beat us every night ... and dashes of following Super-Nanny's advice (we try) .....

all of this is generally followed by feelings of great inadequacy when we 'fail' for the night.

I know we're not the only ones, as Jaan goes through this stressful process of transforming from baby/toddler to child, he wants to play with us - be with us when we are free and relaxed, at night. It's never dark .. .. he wants it to be funtime, he's not tired at night, at least not till about 10. He's capable of having a nice time, playing alone or with us till then. We really DO need to get him to sleep at bedtime though as our sleep is suffering, not to mention we never get time alone together anymore, me and Iain, and we miss each other.

So we instituted a reward chart to no avail, it's still there but we need some preliminaties to be sorted first. In comes The Nanny Godmother. Maybe this is what we gotto do Rest for the Weary: Getting Your Toddler to Go to Bed and Stay There

In any case, this is the approach we are attempting now. Cathy (my mate) reckons 3 days and a habit can be learned ... so we should be there by the weekend .... Except the first night, last night, we blew it.

sigh

So we try again TONIGHT.

Actually I reckon a lot of the problem is the TV viewing (above average in this house. This is an imoprovement on WA A A Y above average, as it used to be a year ago, by the way.) So finally I see a big bad effect of My Toddler Watching TV and Using My Smart Phone. Overstimulation I suppose, although OVER in the sense of it making him unable to stop, he's too used to things being on tap - not OVER in the sense that he is upset by too much stimulation.

Ah well, Perseverence is the key I believe. Getting better in steady increments. The lesson from last night: Treat Each of the Trio with Respect and Kindness, Never Losing Sight Of The Fact That We are All Trying To Get a Good Nights Rest, Even Jaan. So no shouting, threatening, dragging, abandoning and emotional blackmail. Even if it's not really threatening or abandoning or brute force, anything that Jaan sees as such sets off such a lot of issues I'd rather avoid. Not for me - for Jaan. He's been living with me for his whole life, he's a tad sensitive to BPD issues :) This does not need to be a weakness.