when i'm in this place, things my son says can cut really deep
I have to be made of glass then so there is no blood.
He can see I am sad though, not that he can see much with clarity.
How to save him from a sense of inappropriate responsibility ..... i repeat, repeatedly and in a few different ways so that he'll remember I did so when he is older -
"this kind of sad happens to some people sometimes"
"i love you Jaan"
"I'm your Mummy"
"I think I'll feel better soon, oh, you think so too? You get sad sometimes and then better soon too, you're right!"
"Thank you, that hug makes me feel really happy"
"Yes. I do feel sad, no I don't know why, but it's ok, I'm here, I won't always be sad, I'm glad we're playing, what should we do next?"
things like that
it's not true that I feel anything, like love or happiness or togetherness. Nothing forces me to lie, but the truth of a moment, or hour, or day like I really live through when it's down down down downer downer - he is not equipped, probably won't ever be. Iain isn't.
What I try and do is hide it all as much as I can so whatever he senses and asks about I can honestly say I am feeling bad, it's one of the things that is about me being sick like I get tummy sick if I have milk ... like he gets cough sick if he has a bad cold .... I get sad sick sometimes and it can be unspecific in cause like when he has sick bugs - was it dirty hands?
He gets that I hope.
When it's blatantly obvious like this week, all I can do is say I am trying.
No comments:
Post a Comment